ZA - Chapter 14 - Lucy - Into the Lion's Den

I stared at the zombie slowly dragging himself toward me down the deserted main street of the city. It used to be Denver. Now it was a graveyard. The cold wind blew against my naked skin, but I ignored it.

Like, seriously, I had the legacies of the fucking ancients on my side, really, what was this slimeball going to do? Ooze on me? Whatever. I stood in the center of the street, still naked, watching his dead-pace swagger. I wished he would just hurry the hell up already and try to consume me. I needed to get into the department store on my left.

“Tick tock, tick tock, Lurch,” I called. “I can wait all night.”

Maybe I should just go get him.

Nah. I could wait. I picked grime out from under my nails until he got close.

"Oh, good, you're here." I said. Slime oozed out of the thing's mouth. "Ready to go?" I said. Then, calling on Lord Beckhamilroy, ancient master of ball-related sports, I hooked my fingers in the zombie’s eye and nose sockets like a bowling ball and ripped his head off his shoulders. So much for getting the grime out of my nails. I hurled the mess through the big Macy’s display window, the hair flying like moldy, sick spaghetti. Ew. The arms were still grabbing for me. “Oh, no,” I said. “I am not even trying to hear that shit,” I said. “She-Ra, ancient lady of power!” I called and ripped both his arms off. He fell on me, trying against all odds to somehow coax my firm, vibrant, taut, naked flesh that Virgil would now never touch, down his exposed esophagus.

“Sorry, Lurch,” I said, stepping out of the way. He fell over, peddling his feet in the street. “Loser,” I said, making the “L” symbol with my thumb and finger on my forehead. Then I stepped through the broken window of the department store, calling on The Nine Gatekeepers of the West to protect my bare feet from the glass. I didn’t even feel a thing.

Kudos to Lady Miraculous, this legacies of the ancients thing was turning out to be pretty freakin awesome.

It was also giving me some insights into my erstwhile "Mother". She was being real loud about how much she missed me. Yeah. Snort. As if. There was someone else with her, but I couldn't get a line on this one. Whatever, they didn't matter. If they were with "Mom" they had to be bad news.

I made my way to the juniors department and picked out something like the uniform I used to wear. A short skirt, knee high socks. I paused before grabbing a white button-up blouse. That would be hard to keep clean. But oh well. Maybe the ancients could help me with that, too.

The ancients rock.

I finished it off with some oh-so-innocent mary janes, then took myself to the beauty department. Time to really get this grime off my nails. And brush my hair. Gah, that took forever, I don't even want to talk about it, I almost just chopped the rat's nest off.

But no. Selig liked it long.

Too bad Macy's didn't have any gum.

After I was pretty like a fairy princess on Sunday, I sat down in the shoe department and centered. "Verizonella! Mistress of the Call! Bring my quarry to me! Let his army bear me on their shoulders to his side!"

Then I just waited.

I didn't have to wait long. In about a half hour, I heard them.

I wasn't too impressed, there were only, like ten of them. Looked like Verizonella didn't have such a great network. But I guessed it would do. These didn't try to eat me. Instead, they clumped around me so that I couldn't get out -- not that they could have stopped me, if I'd really wanted to. But I didn't. I let myself be carried with them like the nucleus of an atom, knowing they'd take me to Selig Retsuc. I hadn't been able to find the source of his power. It was too small, and had somehow gone really, really missing. So the minions would have to take me there.

I was sure we were on the way. They were holding course at a steady, lurching pace, but then, they got a little antsy and changed direction. "What?" I said. "No, where are you going? He can't be that way! What the fuck would Selig be doing in the freakin' Ace in the Hole Motel?" Yeah, right, look at me -- legacies of the ancients and all that; still trying to TALK to zombies. Duh.

Then it hit me. They probably smelled blood. Blood meant someone alive. Someone alive meant . . . well, I wasn't sure what it meant, but during a big goddamn zombie apocalypse, it basically holds true that the living kinda want to stick together. I let them take me along for the ride.

They scaled the side of the building, not bothering with the door. Zombies aren't really planners. They take the most direct route. I climbed with them. The old, crumbling bricks were easy to get a grip on. I wasn't afraid of falling, I had Lord Pandelta on my side. At about the sixth floor, the zombies began trying to shove their way through a window. I heard the person inside yelling, "C'mon you big damn undead bastards! Wooo-hooo!!!"

Right on.

Tongues of fire leapt out of the open window, sending charred zombie falling past me. Great. Now I'd need another entourage. Oh well, dead zombies are never a bad thing.

I clung to the side of the wall, waiting for the zombies to all go in to face the flame thrower. "Meet the Cleaning Lady you fucks!" the person was screaming.

Hey . . . did I know that guy?

After the fire stopped, I put my hands on the sill myself.

"Oh, a straggler, huh, come on, bitch, bring it! Whoo-HOOOOO!!! YEAH!!!! I LOVE this zombie fucking shit!"

"Stop!" I said, as I somersaulted through the window to crouch on the floor. "I'm alive! Stop!"

"What the fuck . . . ?"

I got to my feet and dusted myself off, looking prim. "Don't roast me, okay?"

Cam stood there like a slack-jawed fire-breathing viking. Then understanding dawned in his face -- actually it was more like understanding kicked him in the head and flicked a "go crazy" switch in his mind.

"Holy fucking shit, you ARE one of 'em!"