(CAUTION: Don't read this if you haven't read the prior posting from Chris first. It won't be nearly as outrageously brilliant).
What's Rabbit like? Is he better than Eeyore? All I know about Eeyore is that he's mopey. I'm not mopey. I'm hilarious (when I'm not being pissy (when I'm not being contemplative (when I'm not being rantful (when I'm not being friendly (when I'm not being withdrawn (when I'm not being goofy (when I'm not being mopey (crap)))))))).
The point is, despite my many attempts to quit you people, there's a distinct possibility my wife and I, sans kids, will come to group on Friday night. We have a qualified sitter on the line. We'll see how it turns out. That said, do not take my attendance at the majority (did I miss 1? 0?) of recently held meetings as any kind of sign that I haven't quit. Furthermore, my contributions to this blog and the fact I set it up are no indication that I have any interest in having anything to do with any of you people ever again.
Actually, the point is: Chris, despite the overriding (and endlessly annoying) pro-Todd, anti-Aaron sentiments pervading your post, I found it distinctly entertaining and actually rather wonderful. I particularly appreciated the Pooh/Writing analogy.
PS -- We should also think about Members Emeritus of the Hammers. Specifically, Rebecca and Seth (if not Andi) deserve a place in the Wood. Any room for a whore in tight cotton / slut in black boots? And what about Rebecca? Who could she be?
PPS -- Nobody likes Rabbit? Is he crotchety? Does he think he's better than everyone else? Maybe I could be a Rabbit-Eeyore combo, with a side of some character who's better than everyone else... Like He-Man. Surely he spent time in the Hundred Acre Wood. Or maybe if we added an acre or several, there would be room for him. Or Optimus Prime. Yes, I will be He-Prime the Transforming Uber-Rabbit Who Occasionally Masquerades as Eeyore to Get Laughs.
PPPS -- While we're expanding The Wood, let's carve out a corner subterranean chamber full of satin pillows and razor blades, where The Lone Modifier can hang out. Every now and then, in the dark of night she sneaks out from her den and does something seductive, brilliant, or dangerous with Pooh--something that forever changes him. Then she slips away, back to her den in the Hundred and First Acre.
PPPS -- Fuck all y'all. I'm Pooh.
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I do love you, Aaron, in no small part due to your not correcting my spelling but instead spelling the words correctly yourself so I could notice without being embarrassed and stealthily go back and edit my posting (though I've just blown the stealth part by calling attention to it here). I also love you in spite of your being Eeyore and claiming to be Pooh, and despite your trying to quit the Hammers. I also love your post (I mean, what you wrote!), particularly the part where you complimented my post. I deeply and sincerely hope to see you and the Mrs. on Friday.
ReplyDeletePS I laughed out loud at your PPS. I very much like the idea that you are He-Man. Since that does not eliminate the fact that you are also Eeyore, I believe I shall call you Heyore. Welcome to the forest, Heyore.
ReplyDeleteThe Lone Modifier. That's outstanding. I like it way better than Lady Absentia.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'm loving the Pooh analogy in every way. How could I not? Hoo hoo hoo HOO! 'boing'
help! I'm trapped in a wood of indeterminate size, imprisoned here by a wizard with sexy new undies and HyperHarryPotterish lexaconic powers. I can only be rescued by a crack team assembled and led by a guilt ridden politico/preacher wannabe known as The(er, maybe, not)Talent. He needs a tiger striped Viking to do the heavy chopping, a threesome-teasing absentnatrix who specializes in exsanguination, a delicate flower willing to distract the enemy by suffering repeated squashing, a maternal marsupial with a fetish for logistics, a freakishly elongated lurker known only as: model SLB34, a load of holy crap, and some possiblynon-existentthing called a pooh.
ReplyDeletePlease send longwinded help before it's too late.