I do not want to be Piglet. Piglet is stupid. I always hated Piglet. I hated how it talked, I hated how it worried constantly, I thought it was a stupid character even when I was five, when my knowledge of characters was limited to Winnie-the-Pooh, Shining Time Station, and Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. What the hell gender is Piglet anyway? Piglet is effeminant. I would much rather be King Friday XIII from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. The imperialistic little hand-puppet King Friday speaks worlds to me when he gets Mr. Roger, and all the other residents of the neighborhood (which really was more friendly than any neighborhood I have ever lived in) to bow to him and accept his delusions of granduer as a fact of their silly little make-believe lives. Please do not respond to this post with anything other than, "Correct, as usual, King Friday."
I will also be the Little Mermaid. I always liked her. If I must be Piglet, I refuse to live in the Hundred-Acre Wood. I will go to the Cave of Caer Bannog and team up with the Killer Rabbit.
AAAAAAAAGGGGHHH.
Leslie
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I'm sorry, King Friday, but your foot is stuck in a bog in the 99th acre of the Hundred Acre Wood. You're not going anywhere. You are stuck with us. I will attempt to call you King Friday, as you desire, but in my heart you will always be Piglet. The good parts of Piglet, not the stupid, talking, effeminate, androgynous parts. Just the pink nose, the tiny stature and the loyal friend parts. So there.
ReplyDeleteListen, King Friday, these people are not your friends. Word in the wood is, there's a coup in the works. You can trust me and only me. Give me the gold and the keys to the kingdom and I'll ensure your survival. Again, you can only trust me.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
Your Only Remaining Loyal Subject
Heyore The Transforming Uber-Rabbit
aka Pathos
aka The Talent
aka Why The Hell Are We So Intent on Defining Ourselves, and yes, I remember I started it?